Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
