I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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