I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
