I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
