someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
