my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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