for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I supernannyed him into submission
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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