my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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