Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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