I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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