I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
