Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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