she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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