Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
