If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
