So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
