if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
