he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize