they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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