I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
