that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
