connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
