i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
