We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
