this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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