Will you blow on my dice?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
