I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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