I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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