i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
