I CAN MOONWALK!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize