I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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