he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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