you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
