So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
