What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's just like the Real World with babies
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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