My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
