I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize