ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
