How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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