I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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