thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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