It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
