He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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