So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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