Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize