I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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