He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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