a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize