She said her name was "party"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
