be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
