Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
love makes seman taste better
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
