my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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