i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
