sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
