There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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