I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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