why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
