I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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