As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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