i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
