I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
