Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
