This is not my ceiling
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize