I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
