4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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