Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We're too hungover to prance.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
