Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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