i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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