Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
